Friday, June 23, 2006

No-limit orgy of destruction: Day 1

There were no orgies. There was no destruction. Also, I played limit. Other than that it was pretty much a no-limit orgy of destruction.

Saturday, June 17

I wake up and log on to Hollywood Poker to bang on the current bonus I am working on to help pay for a small party we are having in September (total earned so far: $3,024). Hit a royal flush (flop tptk with nut flush draw, turn the royal) and quad aces (limped with them preflop for some unknown reason, flopped quads). Got called down both times. Hopefully this is foreshadowing of things to come.

At 11AM the Ms. and I head over to After Hours Tuxedos so I can try on outfits for our party in September. We decided on a black three-button suit, which is basically just a tux without the stripe down the side of the pants or the shiny lapels. We tried it with several different vest/tie combos and tentatively decided on silver/silver for the vest/tie.

I paid the $20 deposit (or did I?) and we headed home.

I finished packing my Pokerstars duffel bag. I kissed Ms. Brick goodbye and hopped in the '95 Taurus:



I picked up Alex and our older gay companion Cilarus and drove to the Scott's. We checked out their new apartment and loaded our shit into Scott's gay Accent:



Ms. Scott drove us to Midtown Airport and we piled into Southwestern Airlines flight AAKKK.

Destination: Vegas.

Piling is how you get into Southwestern flights. Luckily Scott and I checked in early and got group "A". Cilarus and Alex weren't so lucky. They were in group "B".

Scott grabbed a window seat and I took the one right behind him. Cilarus and Alex were able to obtain the corresponding aisle seats. Fortunately, the corresponding center seats went unoccupied. The flight was uneventful until the beverages were distributed and all hell broke loose.

Scott and Alex were in the row ahead of me, which was the last row in the gay redheaded stewardess's section, and our (Cilarus and I) row was the first row of the chubby nice lady's section. Our stewardess was happily distributing full cans of pop. The greatest feeling in the world is when you are sitting on a plane and they hand you a whole can of Coke. That has to be the highlight of any vacation. Also, since Cilarus and I were in the first row of her section, we got served first.

Scott and Alex were in the last row of the gay redhead's section, so they got served last. They didn't even get whole cans. I guess the gay redhead wanted to piss off Scott and Alex after I told Scott earlier: "Sweet! Whole cans!" and got his hopes up. So Scott ended up with the 4 oz. clear plastic cup of pop. No one said life was fair.

I felt bad. When the chubby nice lady came by and asked Cilarus and me: "Can I get you anything else?" I whispered: "Can you get my friend a whole can of Coke?" and she goes: "What will you do for me?" So I took her in the bathroom and gave her a blowjob. She then gave Scott a can of Coke and everyone was happy. Scott toked me a bag of peanuts. Thanks, Scott. It's not like the stewardess didn't just give us a big handful of bags of peanuts. Oh wait, she did. Nevermind.

As we coverged on Vegas, Cilarus struck up a conversation with the gay redheaded stewardess. Butt sex did not ensue.

We arrived at approximately 9PM and were met by Scott's brother, Slim, who had just driven up from Phx,AZ in the Malibu Maxx:



We drove over to our place of temporary residence, the Tropicana, which I hear is quite comfortable. We dumped our bags and drove to the Wynn.

It sure was nice of Steve Wynn to put the parking garage right next to the poker room. Scott and I are immediately seated at their finest 4-8 table, table 22. Cilarus and Alex signed up for 1-3 NL. I don't know what the hell Slim did, but he eventually ended up at our table.

Scott was in the 2 seat and I was in the 5 seat. Right after we sat down I was immediately bashed over the head by sucking at poker. I got J2 in the big blind, flop comes JJx. The guy in the 1 seat hits his flush on the turn. The river doesn't fill me up and I pay him off. Scott starts out nicely and is quickly up $200. I start out down almost $200 and have to put another C-note under my dwindling stack of chips. How the hell did this happen? I guess paying off another $24 after my AA has clearly been beat didn't help. I'm also failing to make any draws but that's the way it goes sometimes.

Did I mention I'm seated next to the biggest whiner I've ever encountered in a live game? He was about 80 years and all of the words coming out of his mouth amounted to:

"God dammit. I had the worst hand the whole way and I lost. This is bullshit."

Yeah, man, it totally sucks that your A-10 was pretty much dead on that 9-9-3 flop and you turned a 10 and rivered an A. I don't get how you could be so unlucky. Also, never quit playing poker, please.

The complaint of the night had be when the flop came K-10-4 and he had mucked A-4. Into my right ear he barks: "Christ, I fold A-4 and the flop comes with a four. Christ." Yeah, man, I totally empathize. I hate it when I throw my hand away when I would have flopped the bottom pair, top kicker powerhouse.

I start to mount a comeback when Ted Forrest's twin brother sits down, let's call him "Jim Forrest", in the 8 seat and buys in for $400. "Whoa-hoa, look at this guy!" was the sarcastic feeling around the table. He made it a point to tell us all he was 50, retired, and usually played 30-60 at the Bellagio. Good for him. His first hand he is utg and he straddles. This should be fun. It wasn't. He actually played pretty well, much to my chagrin. In one hand I had K-10 on a K-10-10 flop. Jim Forrest had the other 10, but immediately slowed down when I showed strength. He only called me down on the turn and river instead of jacking it up. I guess he was able to deduce that I am a total pussy and only pound on a hand if I have a monster.

The 6 and 7 seats opened up and Scott asked if he could have the 6 seat, right to my left. As soon as he claimed the 6 seat, I took the 7 seat. So now Scotty Win was on my right, and Jim Forrest was on my left. Also, I finally got away from Mr. Complainy Pants, who failed to shut the hell up for the rest of the evening. He also failed to quit buying in after busting.

MEANWHILE, AT THE 1-3 NL TABLE...

Cilarus and Alex got seated at the same table and bought in for the standard. Alex won a little while Cilarus lost a little. A short while later, a dapper black gentlemen (cuff links, shiny white shoes, top coat, fancy hat), who had not played a single hand, let's call him Daddy Bling Bling, shoved $31,000 at Alex. DBB had Alex covered by about $30,900. Alex contemplates a call with QJ suited, but decides to muck. DBB claimed the blinds and now had $31,004.

Now for the rest of his life Alex can tell people: "Yeah, I was in a poker game at the Wynn and some guy shoved a new Honda Accord at me."

A little while later someone asked Alex where he was staying. "The Tropicana," he replied. Based on the person's reaction you would think the conversation went like this:

Other guy: "What did you have for dinner?"
Alex: "Maggot-filled pie. It's like regular pie only with maggots."

BACK AT THE 4-8 TABLE...

Slim showed up and took the 5 seat to Scott's right. I continue my comeback and pick up a few nice pots. Eventually I'm ahead $100 on the night and Scotty is back to even. I lose some back and at 3AM we decided to pack it in. I finish ahead $8, for an hourly rate of $2. I would have been ahead $11 if I didn't tip the waitress $3 for that strawberry daquiri. Scott was plus $17 and Alex won about $140. I can't speak for Cilarus or Slim.

We hopped in the Malibu Maxx:



and headed back to the Trop. I don't know what people's problem with the Trop is. The room was like a standard, clean, Motel 6. It's in a good location with super easy access to the MGM and Excalibur poker rooms. Completely awesome for $50 a night.

We parked the car and decided to storm the castle. Except for Cilarus. He went to bed.

It was about 4AM when we got there. The room has changed. They moved it and reduced the number of tables.

We all wanted to play the 2-6 spread game but there was only one table going and it was full. There were two others on the list and they agreed to open up a 6-handed table. They gave us this dealer who looked all of 12 years old. "Christ, we're starting a table at 4AM? It's 4AM and we're starting a table? Christ," he said, repeatedly.

The table consisted of me, Alex, Scotty, Slim, a retarded Asian, and an incredibly black obese man. Let's call him IBOM. It seemed every pot came down to IBOM and the Asian calling each other down. Eventually IBOM decided to quit looking at his cards and called everything. Alex took down a pot when IBOM rolled over a 6-high at showdown. Sweet. I decided to take off just before 7AM ahead $9.50. I would have been ahead about $50 more if the retarded Asian guy didn't crack my AQ with QJ on a A-Q-10 flop. Oh well, that's the way it goes at the Excal.

Everyone else stayed. I went upstairs to the food court to grab an Egg McMuffin, unaware that I could have gotten a $4 off coupon which would have been good for a free Egg McMuffin meal. You live, you learn.

Slim, Scott, and Alex met me upstairs a little while later, $4 coupons in hand. "Fuck you guys," I said. Alex and I headed to bed while Scott and Slim chose to use their $4 off coupons at the Round Table Buffet. They inform us later that this was not the smartest of choices.

I give Ms. Brick a wake up call and it's sleepy time. My hourly rate so far for 7 hours of poker play: $2.50.

Now, I know what you young kids reading this are thinking: "God, I can't wait 'til I turn 21."

Coming Monday:

Day 2: Bad Beats at the Bellagio.

3 Comments:

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Klopzi said...

Jesus, you've been gone a while!

Funny as ever though!

By the way, concerning the IBOM -

Was he incredibly black or incredibly obese?

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger Brick said...

He was incredibly black, not so obese. In fact, most people probably wouldn't consider him obese, but on the BMI scale he definitely qualified. I just wanted to call him "incredibly black obese man."

 
At 1:55 PM, Anonymous BRICK2B said...

I see you got a new shirt too!

 

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