Coinage.

For the past 4.5 years, I have been throwing all of my change into a large can on my desk at the end of each day. For the first two of those years, I lived in a building where laundry was free. For the first three of those years, my department at Hyperglobalmegacorp offered free canned beverages.

The need to do laundry has since drained my can of change of all quarters. The need for Diet Pepsi has significantly lowered the amount of change that goes in the can each night. However, from this 4.5 year period, I still had a significant dime, nickel and penny supply.

Six months ago I decided to buy some coin rolls from the OfficeMax, roll my change, and exchange it for bills. Rolling change is a pain in the ass. However, "I'm not paying 12% for that stupid CoinStar thing at the grocery store," I thought.

In a related thought, remember that commercial for a dumb coin bank that you could put the paper rolls in, and when you threw your change in it the coins would fall into the correct roll? One of the selling points was: "This dumb coin bank quickly pays for itself." HOW? Are the quarters procreating in there or something? But I digress.

My change totaled $118.50.

The coin rolls sat in a box for about five months. A few weeks ago I decided to play poker again. "I need some poker money. I know! I'll use the $90 I won from fantasy football, and take $110 in change and I will have a $200 bankroll."

The change then sat on my desk, waiting to be taken to the bank, while the money had long since been removed from my bank account to play poker with. Taking 15 pounds of change to the bank is one of those things that you do tomorrow.

Today, I decided that I needed to get that money in my bank account, so I just took the 14 rolls of dimes I had and shoved them in my coat pockets. My plan was to just do it in chunks. Dimes one day, nickels the next, and pennies spread out over a few (because I have forty rolls of them).

I went to the bank this morning, dimes in hand...

Me: "Can I deposit these?"
Teller: "You need to dump them in the machine up front. You don't need to roll them."
Me: "Why don't you just punch me in the face?"

When did this happen? Am I the last to know about this? Was Ms. Brick laughing her ass off behind my back when I was rolling all that change? I thought magic machines that counted your coins for you were reserved for the land of fairies and make believe, and of course, the grocery store where you have to pay 12%.

This begs raises the question...who are these suckers using the CoinStar machine at the grocery store? Is the CoinStar corporation preparing for the day when all citizens are made aware that the service they provide is provided free at banks? Seeing as most of us never need to step into a bank except for twice in our lives, once to open a checking account and once to ask for a mortgage, I think it's going to be a long time before the ignorant masses see the light. This is assuming that since I didn't know about the magic coin-counting machine at the bank, no one else did.

Who knows, maybe I was the last sucker left putting his change into rolls.

But now I know, and that's half the battle.