Blah.

Okay, I'm going to fucking write something.

It seems I have been unable to complete a thought these past 10 days as my list of blog entries is riddled with incompletes that I haven't posted.

So whatever I come up with right now is what you get.

I went food shopping on Monday night. Ms. Brick was supposed to come with me but The Bachelor was on. I can't believe she watches that crap. Also, I don't see what the problem was, because The Bachelor is #2 on the priority queue, second only to Dancing with the Stars. Of course, the system is not completely reliable, as it chopped off the last half-hour of last Thursday's episode. For some reason Dancing with the Stars just seems to be Tivo averse.

I guess Ms. Brick just prefers to watch shows as they come on. If nothing good is on, instead of deferring to the Tivo, she just checks to see if a re-run of CSI: Tulsa is on. Although we are stocked with fresh re-runs of Trading Spaces, Divine Design, Designed to Sell, Design on a Dime, reDesign, Xtreme Home Designs, Designing for Idiots, Thrifty Interior Designs, Designated Designing, as well as CSI: Tulsa, she just prefers to channel surf. I don't know why I'm wasting my hard drive space with that crap.

Know what else is funny? Ms. Brick, like every other red-blooded American female, enjoyed Sex and the City. So, over the course of a few months, a rented all six seasons from Netflix and copied all of them. That's right, I illegally own all six seasons of Sex and the City. However, the only time Ms. Brick watches Sex and the City is the censored re-runs they show on TBS every night. She just prefers it with commercials inserted and the swearing and minimal nudity removed.

Sometimes when I want some time to myself, I'll start up one of the DVDs. That usually keeps her occupied for a couple hours.

So I went food shopping. Ms. Brick asked me if I wanted to go and I gave her the usual pained groan with eye-roll that I always give when she asks me to do something. I don't know why I do this. We seriously needed food. I was down to eating spoonfuls of frosting. I made Ms. Brick a cake for Valentine's Day. I am now eating the old, leftover frosting for sustenance.

I agreed to go and at about 7PM I said: "So, you wanna go?"

Her: "Can you go?"
Me: "Uh, okay. Don't you want to come with?"
Her: "Can't you just go?"
Me: "Okay."

She didn't tell me about the imminent broadcast of The Bachelor at the time and I didn't ask. I just went. I decided to make it a Target, Best Buy, Jewel trifecta. That's good because there is a shopping center with a Target, Best Buy, and a Jewel nearby. I didn't really need to go to Target or Best Buy, it just seemed like a good idea at the time. Nothing eventful happened at these two locations, except I noticed that the Gillette Fusion has landed.

I decided to contribute to the degradation of society and purchase one. I decided I better get the one with the battery in the handle and I took out a second mortgage on the house to pay for some replacement blades. I must say: Damn! That's one smooth shave. It makes shaving with the Mach3 Turbo feel like I'm rubbing broken glass on my face. Of course, my Gillette Fusion is only good until the Gillette Fusion Xtreme Nitro Black edition comes out next week.

I'm just kidding. I didn't buy the Gillette Fusion.

I purchased nothing at Target or Best Buy proceeded to obtain groceries. I am food shopping impaired. We had no food in the house and I had no idea what to buy. I was in there for thirty minutes and my cart had six cans of tuna and a 12-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper in it. It reminds me of back when I lived with Scotty Win and we would go food shopping. There was a Mexican produce shop across the street from the Jewel. Scott would go there to get vegetables and I would go to the Jewel to get non-vegetables. He would come by twenty minutes later to see if I was done and I would be standing there, holding an empty basket, staring at the bread.

This time, I refused to resort to calling Ms. Brick like I have done in the past. I was going to make it on my own. I wandered the aisles attempting to make intelligent choices. Usually on our food shopping trips I just walk around and get bored while Ms. Brick shops.

I ended up with bananas, broccoli, bread, peanut butter, frozen pizza, carrots, cous-cous (I'm serious), kidney beans, turkey breast, some Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill (for the ride home), and, of course, Diet Dr. Pepper and tuna. I think I did okay. Then when I got out to the car I realized I didn't get eggs. I didn't know what our status was as far as egg ownership was concerned, but I figured eggs were just some essential thing you should always get when grocery shopping so I ran back in and got some. Good thing I did. We were down to our last egg.

On the way home I decided to channel my inner Scott and stop by KFC to sample the Buffalo Chicken Snacker. You see, every time Scott sees a commercial for a new fast-food item, he has to run out and try it. (Sweet! Wendy's has a new burger where they put the ketchup under the cheese! Let's go!) I saw the commercial and it sounded good. It was good. It's a chunk of fried chicken on a bun with buffalo sauce on it. It had the perfect level of spicyness. It could have used some ranch or bleu cheese, though, because I'm on a diet. I'll have to bring my own next time.

That's the end of my ramble. I hope you enjoyed it, because who knows when I'll be back. Also, for those readers that happen to be my future wife, please don't remind me of the time when I used to post every day. If you recall, most of those posts amounted to: Last night I played poker for 3.2 hours and lost $7. I'm pretty sure all concerned parties would prefer one post like the above every week instead of seven poker status updates.

Bye now.