Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Lunch.

It began like any other lunch. And well, it ended like any other lunch.

I left the building to go across the street to the Subway. Six-inch roasted chicken on wheat no cheese lettuce tomato green pepper onion jalaneno honey mustard. I stopped at the ATM on the way there and withdrew $100.

It gave me four $20 bills and two $10 bills.

This was eerily disturbing for reasons I can't comprehend.

Although in a state of shock from my unsettling ATM encounter, I was able to order my sandwich and head back to work. I stopped by the cafeteria to purchase two(2) 20 ounce bottles of soda because I have a ton of "buy one get one free" bottle caps. I get one Diet Pepsi and one Diet Mountain Dew. I got my pop (yes, I am one of those wackos that is not religious about whether I call it "pop" or "soda" ("Coke" for you southerners, remind me to do a post about this)) and went to the elevator. I just put a parenthesis within a parenthesis.

I was the only one on the elevator. I was all psyched to get an express ride up to my floor. The doors were about to close when one of those annoying elevator chain-reaction things happened. Someone stuck their hand in, the doors opened, and the person got on. This opened the door (haha, I'm hilarious) for nine other people to get on, staggered at 2-second intervals, each one interrupting the doors closing at the last second to get on. Great, express just became local. Only seventeen stops to my floor. That's right, I'm bitching about the elevator making stops. I have no idea why, but it is really annoying. I am in no hurry to get back to my desk, in fact I would rather not be at my desk, but for some reason I can't stand an elevator ride with pauses.

I FINALLY got back up to my floor. I will never get those 37 seconds back. I walked down the hallway to my section of the cube farm. There is a door at the end of this hallway that you have to swipe your card to get through (you have to swipe your card to take a piss, for chrissakes). Anyway, as I was opening the door I made the mistake turning my head. I saw someone approaching. This meant I had to hold the door for them. I have no idea what the rule for this is. Whenever I am the person halfway down the hall, and someone opening the door sees me, I think "please just let the door close, I am fully capable of opening it when I get there, and I don't feel like hurrying." Then the person holds the door and I feel like I have to hurry. But then when I am the person at the door and notice someone, I feel some obligation to hold it or else I am being rude.

The party in question was this fat guy Alan who has worked at Hyperglobalmegacorp for like 26 years. Incidentally, he had also just purchased two 20 ounce bottles of soda. I could tell because I saw him holding them. I saw him coming and he noticed me notice him and I picked up a tell. His body language said "Dude, don't hold the door, I'm halfway down the hall. I'll get it when I get there." So I just swung the door open wide so he could catch it before it closed all the way. This way he wouldn't have to swipe his card. For some reason this seemed even more rude than just letting the door close. From now on I will just let the door close. Someone needs to write up some rules regarding door-holding etiquette. Maybe that someone will be me.

I got back to my desk and ate my sandwich. It was good.

Four twenties and two tens. That is going to bother me for the rest of my life.

5 Comments:

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Scotty Win said...

I share your distaste for door-holding, both as the holder and holdee. There needs to be an established rule, like a 5-second rule with food touching the ground. Such as: If the holdee will not reach the door in 3 seconds, it is appropriate, and expected, for the holder to let it close. 3-5 seconds is swing-the-door-wide-with-your-trailing-hand territory, and if the person chooses to accelerate their pace, they'll catch it. If not, so be it.

These rules do not apply if it's an older person, person on crutches, or someone carrying a large parcel. Maybe women too, but that could be perceived as benevolent sexism. If it's women you know, it is still appropriate to hold the door even after the 3 second point. Although if they know you but they're trailing so far behind, maybe they don't like you.

Any opinions, Ms. Brick?

 
At 12:37 PM, Blogger Brick said...

Hey Scott, You should put your Friendster picture on here on your profile.

 
At 11:03 AM, Blogger Scotty Win said...

ok there's a picture now. Although Ms. Scott thinks I should remain mysterious.

 
At 8:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hurrying for doors is even worse for girls...
I usually find myself doing this funny run/shuffle in hi heels that causes my titties to bobbup and down. I am fully aware of how silly this must look to the door holder but I feel that the pressure to hurry far exceeds the silliness.

 
At 12:34 PM, Blogger Brick said...

"Titties?"

Say "boobs," sweetie.

This is a family blog.

 

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