Party return and other stuff.

That's "party" as in "PartyPoker," not "party" as in "a gathering of individuals." We got DSL back last night and I played on Party extensively for the first time in a few weeks. It felt like home (yeah, I know that's exactly what Ms. Brick wanted to hear); poker home anyway. I got a decent rakeback deal on a Crypto site and a really good rakeback deal on a Prima site, but I just prefer to play on Party with no rakeback. It just felt comfortable, like an old pair of shoes. I also forgot how horrible the players are. I mean, I suck, but I'm freaking Howard Lederer compared to these people. I think there is some disease that infects the Party population that causes them to stay in a hand with any two overcards or single overcard aces, regardless of what the board is. It just doesn't make any sense. "Let's see, I have K-J of diamonds and the board is 6-7-8 of spades and that guy just bet. I clearly have to call."

It was good to be back. I'm playing to accumulate extra starting chips for the PartyPoker Million semi-finals. You start with at least 1,000 chips, but for every 200 raked hands leading up to the tournament you get 200 extra chips, up to a max of 3,000. That can be a big advantage. I will be playing the semi on Nov. 3. So far I have accumulated 1,900 extra chips.

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The iPod I won is at the center of a controversy. Ms. Brick says I said she could have it. I say I didn’t.

Apparently with around 80 people left in the tournament, she told me that I was giving her the iPod if I won. I don't recall this, but she says my response was something like: "It's not going to happen, so sure, you can have the non-existent iPod."

Okay, honey, you can have the “non-existent” iPod. I will keep the real one.

It’s not like she even wants one. If she did, I would know, seeing as when she wants something I’m the first to hear about it. She just wants to take it away for the sake of taking it away because of something I may or may not have said. Even if I did say that, she should know that I wasn’t serious. Sarcastic vocal tone when making verbal agreements is legally binding.

So we have decided to act like six-year-olds in the process of arguing about it.

The whole thing reminds me of a time I was at the mall with my mom and sister. I was 6 and my sister was 9. My mom was 39, because I know you were wondering. A woman asked my mom how old we were and if we wanted to take a survey about cookies. My sister didn't fit the demographic they were surveying, but I did so I took it. I got paid $1 for doing so. My sister fucking lost it. She was going nuts right in the middle of the mall. Over a dollar. So I gave the dollar to Mom.

I’m half expecting my mom to jump in and say: "That's it. No one gets an iPod. We're sending it back."

I bet none of the other 19 people that won one have to go through this.

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I went to sleep last night craving In-N-Out burgers for some reason. A 3X3, animal style, no mustard. Fries well done.

Why do those burgers have to be so far away?