Party and stuff.

Our party was on Saturday.

I had to go out for some last minute items during the day. We needed smoked salmon, limes, cucumbers, and French bread. I made the mistake of going to Sam's Club for these items.

When I got there I looked around for a basket to hold the four things I was buying. I didn't need a cart. It seems they don't have baskets, because obviously no one shopping at Sam's Club would need anything less than an aircraft carrier-sized cart to carry their items. All they have are said carts and flatbed trailers. I opted for the cart. I retrieved the four items I needed. I felt stupid pushing them around in my giant cart. I got in line to pay and spent 30 minutes behind 6 people who were stocking up for the winter. The lady in front of me had 4 cases of Spam. I didn't know people actually ate that stuff. Who knows, maybe she wasn't planning on eating it.

I managed to get the hell out of there without purchasing anything unnecessary. Like 4 cases of Spam.

Ubaldo and Mrs. Ubaldo made the drive down and got to our place at about 5PM. We cracked open some Woodchucks and poured some white Russians. I was looking forward to some drunken idiocy and having to make several apologetic phone calls on Sunday. The last time this happened was almost a year ago. I got drunk at the Christmas party at work and then went to meet Scott for his birthday party at a bar. Then I licked Scott's face and told Scott's roommate that Scott and I wanted to give him blowjobs.**

I was looking forward to more of the same.

People started trickling in at about 8PM. People started trickling out at 10:45.

Lame.

I did not get drunk. No one got drunk. I didn't need to make any phone calls the next day. The highlight of my evening were all the compliments I got on my weenies in a blanket (that's what I made with the cocktail weenies I got at Sam's Club two weeks ago).

Ms. Brick spent most of the evening making sure the food trays were full. She said she had more fun planning the party than being there.

We had smoked salmon on cucumbers, shrimp, cheese fondue, chocolate fondue, meatballs, the weenies I spoke of earlier, and some chicken things one of Diane's friends made. Next time I think we should just have chips & salsa and cheese & crackers, so the Ms. and I can spend more time getting plastered and less time on food maintenance. Of course, then the party won't be as fun to plan.

I don't know if that will make a difference, though. People would still probably leave at 10:45. I guess that's what happens as one approaches 30. They become lamer and lamer until the metamorposis into "adult" is complete. All we need now is 2.5 children.

I refuse to accept the fact that I am an adult that doesn't get drunk and goes to bed before 12AM. Remember in college when 1:15AM was early? That wasn't that long ago.

Scott is having a birthday party at the same bar as last year in a few weeks. The bar will be what is known as "open" and I will not have to do any food preparation. I plan on getting trashed, licking a few people, philosophizing about things I know nothing about, and having to make phone calls the next day.

A couple of weeks after that our friend Sarah is having her annual Christmas party. At the same party four years ago I got hammered, broke a wine glass, dumped wine on the floor, and offered to throw a party for one of Scott's grad school friends after they got back from Christmas break. Good times.

Times change, though. Sigh.

---

The day after the party Scott, Ubaldo, Alex, Matt, myself and others played a football game in the park. Unfortunately, we were all well rested and no one was hung over.

I played a little quarterback. Check out the following stat line:

11 comp, 0 inc, ? yd, 8 TD

That's right. Eight touchdowns. I counted 'em. I had, like, 60 fantasy points. I think my QB rating was about 327.4. The reason I had so few passes is that most of the drives I led consisted of one pass. The only blemish on my record was when Scott intercepted one of my throws. It got called back for holding, though, so that didn't count. I did not call the holding. Who the hell calls holding in a 4 on 4 football game in the park, anyway?

You might also like to know that I intercepted one of Scott's passes and the team I was on beat the team Scott was on. Also, I suck on defense and get burned like a little bitch. Hey, I'm the star QB, not a defensive specialist, what do want from me?

It was fun.

---

** More on the story from the last time I got drunk... Ms. Brick and I got wasted at work before we got to Scott's party. While I was licking people and offering to perform fellatio, she was in the bathroom puking. The only thing I ordered while we were there was a Diet Coke. I forgot about it and left without paying. A couple of days later Otto mentioned to Scott that "an extra Diet Coke" showed up on his bar tab.

Good ol' Otto. Hey, Otto? I'm really sorry about that extra $1.50. I'm glad to see you were able to make ends meet that month.