26 pounds of meatballs.

The Bricks decided that the upcoming party was an excuse to join Sam's Club, because the regular grocery store charges too much for meatballs. You can't have a party without 26 pounds of meatballs. Before last Saturday, it had been a couple years since I set foot in one of those places. I had forgotten about the 5-gallon tubs of wine and 10-pound cans of peanut butter.

Actually, it was only 6 pounds of meatballs. Only. That, along with 4 pounds of cocktail weenies, 5 pounds of mozzarella sticks, a 192-pack of beer, a 10-pack of frozen pizzas, 2 crates of bananas, a 3-gallon jug of cranberry juice, a 124-pack of pitas, 4 pounds of hummus, 82 cartridges for a Gillette Mach3 razor, 500 diapers, and a riding lawn mower. You never know when you might need 500 diapers and a riding lawn mower. And just look at those prices!

I wish I could go back to Saturday morning and say: "You know what? We don't need to join Sam's Club, we can just pay a little bit more for meatballs at the Jewel-Osco." Seriously, the main reason we joined was for the meatballs. We bought a $35 membership so we could buy a 6 pound bag of meatballs for $10. We must really like meatballs. Actually, we do. We love having them at parties and Ms. Brick has a special recipe. Now I am sentenced to do food shopping at Sam's Club for the next year until our membership expires. I'm going to be drowning in meatballs.

All that shit we bought was for party. I sure hope you guys like meatballs, mowing lawns, and shaving.

When we got home I googled "cocktail weenie recipes." Do you know what the standard recipe for the sauce for those things is?

Chili sauce and grape jelly.

Ms. Brick already knew this. I am somewhat perturbed by this. I guess I shouldn't be, though, seeing as when I buy a hotdog and the hotdog guy asks me what I want on it, I always say: "Mustard, relish, onions and grape jelly."

Actually, the fact that that I'm eating grape jelly with weenies isn't what perturbs me. I have consumed this weenie, chili sauce, grape jelly combination before without knowing the ingredients and found it quite tasty. I am in full support of things that are tasty, as long as the ingredients are edible and non-toxic. What I find disturbing, however, is that somebody actually thought of this. Someone was sitting at home with some weenies and thought: "Man, I need some sauce for these...hmm...what will I use? Oh, I know! Chili sauce and grape jelly!"

Seriously. That's like someone saying: "Let's see, what will I put on this trout? I know! Dr. Pepper and mayonaisse!"

That's all.

Next Saturday Ms. Brick will probably decide we didn't get enough meatballs and we will need to go back to Sam's Club. Please think of me when I am surrounded by 55-gallon vats of pickles.