White russians & cockroaches.

I decided to add some stupid stuff to my profile to make it more entertaining. I realized that under "interests" two of the things I put were: white russians and bowling. These are, in fact, two of my interests. Based on this, you would think I like the movie "Big Lebowski." You would be wrong though. I don't hate it, but I don't like it. I also don't get how there are whole societies of people that are obsessed with it. I mean "Lebowskifest"? Are you serious? Get a life, people.

The only reason I have seen the movie is because every time I ordered a white russian, the server would ask me if I liked the movie "Big Lebowski," so I ended up renting it. I found it mediocre. The best thing about it was John Turturro's cameo.

Speaking of white russians, when you click on "white russians" in my profile, it lists every blogger that has "white russians" as an interest. It seems they are all female or gay. A long time ago I came to accept that my taste in alcoholic beverages fell squarely in the demographic of "female" and "homo". I hate beer & wine. I also do not enjoy whiskey. It tears me up inside. A man should enjoy these things. I cannot help who I am. Now leave me alone and let me drink my Woodchuck in peace.

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Last night Ms. Brick found a roach in the dishwasher. I have no clue how it got in the dishwasher. From her screams you would think the roach was four feet long and force-feeding her broken glass. I don't get what her deal is. Every time she sees a bug she flips out like the damn thing is raping her. One of these times something really bad is going to happen, and I'm not going to immediately respond to the situation because I will think it's just another spider. Kidnappers are going to break into the house and take her away, and while she is kicking and screaming, I'll be sitting at my computer in the other room saying: "You can kill the spider yourself, honey."

So anyway, the roach was crawling around the bottom of the dishwasher. I removed the bottom rack of dishes and had a look. Somehow I was able to do this without shitting myself. The bottom of a dishwasher doesn't provide a lot of good surfaces to smash something on, and those fuckers are fast. It would have been a perfect opportunity to use Raid®, except we don't have any. No fucking bug spray in the house. I wish I had thought of this while we were at Sam's Club. They sell that shit by the keg.

Ms. Brick handed me a cup of bleach to dump on it. That only pissed it off. After the bleach failed, I grabbed the only aerosol can I could find. It was Scrubbing Bubbles®. Do you know how ridiculous it feels to spray a cockroach with Scrubbing Bubbles®? I didn't either until last night. It did the trick, though. Actually, I think I drowned it; I drowned a roach in Scrubbing Bubbles®.

Maybe I should have given it a white russian.