Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Blogging with Scotty Win.

Way back in the summer of 2005 this blog started as an extended e-mail exchange between myself and Scotty Win. Ms. Brick was not interested in hearing about my poker playing, so I started e-mailing Scott to let him know how I was doing and I sent him some hand histories and stuff. I would put "today's poker blog" in the subject line because that's what it felt like. Eventually, we started writing about other stuff like pretzels and butt sex. Ms. Brick started to get jealous so I began copying her. Scott let me know I was bringing joy to his life and that he was forwarding my e-mails on to other people so that I might bring joy to their lives as well. So the blog began. And here we are.

I have included below one of our favorite exchanges from last summer, along with some background info. I hope you enjoy it...





Scott's second girlfriend broke up with him in early 2004 because she is stupid. Trust me, it doesn't get any better than Scott. He is six feet tall, nice-looking, athletic, almost has a Ph.D., has never done illicit drugs, will give you a ride to the airport if you ask nicely, and owns a 9-inch cock. His only downfall is he is too nice and understanding. But I digress.

In mid-2004, much like he did when his first girlfriend dumped him in 1998, Scott went out hunting for women. Also, like in 1998, he began developing unnecessary crushes on certain females.

There were these two girls, Nicole and Emily, on one of his co-ed sports leagues. I met Nicole first, and it was blatantly obvious that she wanted him. That didn't concern Scott. She seemed okay, but was kind of nerdy, though. Scott decided he wanted Emily. He assured me that she was grade A material.

So I meet Emily for the first time. She and Nicole came to one of the home poker games at the Brick household. She was not grade A material. She was not that good looking. She was somewhat immature. She was annoying. In Scott's defense, she was not bad looking, and she had a really nice body. However, any positive qualities were quickly negated as she and Nicole sat next to each other giggling like junior high kids while text-messaging each other on their cell phones. I didn't know humans existed that actually text-messaged. If I have to write a text-message longer than 2 letters do me a favor and shoot me in the face. That shit takes more patience than a 2-4 game on Partypoker. These chicks were pros at it, though.

They were not invited back.

"That's the girl you like? Holy shit, dude, look harder," was the general feeling among our friends.

Luckily, Scott made it completely obvious that he liked her, so he didn't have a chance in hell, even though he was (and still is) way out of Emily's league. If a girl knows you like her, you have no chance. Everyone except Scott knows this. But, his failure in this endeavor was very fortunate for him, as he met Ms. Scott shortly thereafter.

Predictably, though, this caused Emily to change her feelings. The following e-mail exchange took place. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Scott wrote:
Hey, below is an excerpt from Emily (that girl I used to like). What would Chris Rock have to say about this?

"...I am so confused because I like you. The last couple of games especially! I am starting to more and more and wanted to tell you this. I feel as if I should apologize because I don't want to confuse you or interfere with your relationship with Ms. Scott. I am really sorry but I am just being honest. I just had to tell you I am sorry and I hope you understand this..."
I replied:

"Hey, how you doing? Me and Nicole were thinking about having a dick-sucking contest, and we thought you'd be a good judge."

I don't know what Chris Rock would say, but I am not surprised by that one bit. No girl is going to like if you make it completely obvious that you like her (as you did in this situation) regardless of how hot you are (which you are, just check out "Scotty Win" under "Big City University" under "USA" at ratemyprofessor.com, jeez.)

I mean,where's the fun in going out with a dude that you know likes you? BUT, the second she realized her failure to reciprocate didn't really bother you and you went out with someone else, well... now she can't have you, and she realizes she could have had this smokin' hot buff dude with a 9-inch cock.

Now that you're somewhat off-limits and you're not really interested anymore, you've become incredibly attractive. You know what would really make her obsessed with you? If you have sex with her and never call her back and treat her like shit. Yup.

Anyhoo, I say just let it go, and say something to the effect of "oh well, you had your chance" in a nice kind of joking way if you feel a response is completely necessary. Of course this will only make her want you more. If this is the case feel free to get some cheap lovin', keeping in mind that any cheap lovin' will be damaging to any possibilities with Ms. Scott, regardless of where your relationship "officially" stands.

Anyway, do what you want, but be prepared to deal with the consequences, like no more Ms. Scott, AIDS, and a psycho-stalker named Emily killing your pet rabbit.

Okay, probably not the last two.

After that e-mail Scott assured me that I owed the world a blog.

He and Ms. Scott are living happily ever after.

6 Comments:

At 11:44 AM, Blogger Brick said...

For the benefit of those readers who can't find "Scotty Win" under "Big City University" under "USA" at ratemyprofessor.com, here is what a few of his students have to say:

"Fun class. And even if the subject matter is boring, which it usually isn't, you can at least stare at his dreaminess..."

"Scott is very dreamy but there is more to him than just good looks. He makes it interesting by conducting silly experiments. Willing to help if you are willing to learn."

Scott is dreamy. He is also willing to help if you are willing to learn. Did I mention he has a 9-inch cock?

 
At 11:53 AM, Blogger Scotty Win said...

Brick, I am flattered by your portrayal of me. But, unless I've blacked out at some point, or purposely suppressed the memory, you have never actually seen my alleged nine inches, and you're basing that just on asking me. Generally primary sources are not the best place to go for such information. Not that it's not true, but I'm just sayin...

Thanks for the post though. Especially thanks for leaving out my school on ratemyprofessor. Can't have all the undergrads knowing about text-messaging bimbos and those nine inches.

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger Brick said...

Scott is correct. I have never seen his giant schlong. I have to take his word for it.

One time back in college he told me that Girlfriend #1 measured it and he clocked in at a solid 9 inches.

However, please keep in mind that when discussing penis length, I always like to round up (or down, as the case may be) to the nearest 9 inches.

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger Scotty Win said...

I "almost" have my phd in the same way I'm almost 30 (I'm 27).
Actually that would be an exaggeration too. 27 is 9/10 of 30, but I'm maybe 3/4 done with phd school.

What did we say about pretzels?

 
At 12:13 PM, Blogger Scotty Win said...

Seriously? I said Kristen measured it? Huh. I forgot about that.

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger Scotty Win said...

My last comment for at least the next 10 minutes - a warning for anyone who ever tells The Brick anything, anything at all - he has an infallible photographic/tape-recorder-esque memory for conversations. Ms. Brick can testify to that fact here as well.

He also has a steel trap memory for NBA players, video game systems, and pop culture minutia.

 

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