Eating pizza at the gym with naked dudes.

I went to the gym yesterday.

That's right, I'm still going. It was pizza day at work, so I had to work that shit off. Pizza day is not cool. Usually I would be in full support of free pizza, but not when in the process of trying to lose 20 pounds. Do recovering alcoholics have to deal with "Beer day"?

Let's say Bob is an alcoholic who hasn't had a drink for a month and can't stop once he starts drinking. He doesn't have to deal with this:

Other guy: "Hey, Bob, we ordered beer for lunch, come grab some."
Bob: "No thanks."
Other guy: "What's wrong, don't like beer?"
Bob: "Sure, I like beer, I'm just trying to cut down."
Other guy: "C'mon, just have a few."
Bob: "Okay, maybe just one." (drinks a beer)
Bob: "Okay, maybe just 27."

It's the exact same thing with the damn cake.

I was actually proud of myself for limiting my pizza intake as much as I did. A typical pizza day for me goes something like this:

Me: "Can you hand me that sausage one?"
Other guy: "You want a piece of sausage?"
Me: "No, the whole pizza."
Me: "No, I won't be sharing."

And it's not thin crust either. It's that deep-dish stuffed crap where each piece has like a pound of cheese. How long before we just start deep-frying the damn pizza?

So I went to the gym.

The gym I go to is in a rich neighborhood and is sort of expensive. I would never pay normal price to that place. Ms. Brick and I get a really good deal because we live together and we're "students." Apparently showing a student ID when you join gets you the student rate for eternity and no sign-up fee. I won't complain. The machines are really nice and each treadmill has its own TV. You wouldn't think so, but it's really hard to watch a basketball game while running 6.3 miles an hour.

I took the train straight to the gym from work. I went to the locker room to change and there seemed to be a much higher percentage of naked old guys than usual. It seems the older and fatter guys get, the more they like being naked around other men. I do not get naked at the gym. I do not enjoy being naked around other men. I leave my underwear on when I change into my workout clothes. I do not shower at the gym. I leave my gym clothes on when I leave and shower at home.

I try to avert my eyes as best I can when confronted with a large number of unclothed males. I found myself wondering what it would be like if I was gay and surrounded by old, naked, fat guys. That would probably be similar to being not gay and surrounded by old, naked, fat ladies. That would be way worse. Sorry, gay dudes.

I changed and got the hell out of the locker room as fast I could.

I looked around and it seemed most of the people at my gym are yuppie liberal college kids who think they are changing the world but are really only spending their parents' money and listening to their ipods. That's right, I was able to deduce all that just from physical appearance.

That got me wondering...where are all the old fat guys? The locker room is full of them. Do they just join the gym so they can get naked and hang out in the locker room with other naked guys? Do they get to gym, get naked in the locker room, stand around for a while, get dressed and go home? Someone needs to do a study on this.

I was pondering this for the rest of my workout. I looked around and was only able to find two old guys working out. I finished up and heading back to the locker room to grab my stuff.

I saw no less than five old naked guys.