11 days ago...

Note: I started this post a week ago. It was intended to be a report regarding the happenings of May 20-25 or thereabouts. I did not finish it and then went on vacation to Kansas where they do not have internet access yet. When I last left this post, I had made through my report of Saturday (May 20) morning, and was starting on Saturday evening. I will now do a half-assed attempt at finishing it...

Friday: We went out for tacos and to see DaVinci's Code with a couple of gay guys. Their gayness had no discernible effect on the evening whatsoever. Ms. Brick and I split an order of steak fajitas. They were enjoyable, although not remarkable. The margarita I had cost $6. I have drinks at home.

DaVinci's Code was mediocre. I was not on the edge of my seat and my heart was not pounding. I had two thoughts constantly running through my mind during the movie:

1. What is the deal with that self-mutilating albino monk-guy?
2. That hot French chick that looks like Maura Tierney looks like a hot, French version of Maura Tierney.

Too bad no one knows who the hell Maura Tierney is, or else #2 might have been funny. (She played Jim Carrey's wife in Liar, Liar. Also, for the benefit of those readers named Scott, Liar, Liar also featured two prominent members of your spank bank, one Shannon Whirry, and one Krista Allen. I think it's time to dust off that VHS copy of Lady in Waiting.)

Saturday: Ms. Brick took me to this cosmetology school to get a facial. Facials are cheaper when you get them from people who are learning to give facials. Since meeting me, Ms. Brick has been appalled at the condition of the skin covering my head. "Your nose pores are huge and clogged with shit." I have consistently failed to care about this.

She got a facial there a few weeks ago and quickly made another appointment. In the process she made an appointment for me, too. "What the hey, free facial," I thought.

So we get there, and the facial giver tells me to go into a changing room, take off my shirt, and put on a robe. She then led me into this dark room that had a bunch of padded tables. She told me to take off my robe (I still had pants on) and lie down. She covered me with a blanket (I still had pants on). Can you please tell me WTF the point of the robe was? I had it on for approximately three seconds. I could have made the ten-foot journey from the changing room to the facial-receiving table shirtless with no problems.

Other people were in the room getting facials. Quiet Enya/Enigma-type music was playing. I bet if you get a facial from a person that has finished facial school you get your own private dark room with quiet Enya/Enigma-type music playing.

She put a shower cap on my head and proceeded to rub my face with various goops and lotions for an hour. It was pleasurable, but she didn't properly clean out my nose pores. Maybe she hasn't taken that class yet.

Saturday 2.0: Baldo and Mrs. Baldo came for a visit. Mrs. Baldo is great with child. This causes her to walk slow. We went out for Woodchucks, then went to Matt's 32nd birthday party because he is old. Nothing happened. I got Matt this book. It had been sitting on my shelf for a year or so. I picked it up and said: "Hey. Matt will like this and it is in pretty good condition. In fact, it looks new. I know I am never going to read it again and I could pass this off as something I just purchased."

Sunday: Played basketball with Baldo and Scott. Final score: Me 1, Scott 1, Baldo 2. I think. I know I wasn't the guy with 2, but someone always ends up with 2 while the others win 1.

We made then made plans to go out to lunch with our companion females. First we had to retrieve Ms. Brick and Mrs. Baldo from the corner coffee shop, where they were playing Scrabble with a homeless person. He was making up all kinds of fun words like "equipt" and "ipute." Scott did a good job of telling the homeless dude that the game was over. I would have just stood there and let the game continue, having no idea how to address or approach the homeless guy.

We went out for Mediterranean food. We were going to eat at the top floor of Scott's place of employment, but Ms. Brick and Mrs. Baldo decided they didn't need to bring ID's, which is required to get a guest pass to visit Scott's place of employment.

We ate lots of pitas.

Monday: I went shopping for cereal. Frosted Flakes were on sale for $1.50. Score.